After enduring two miscarriages, three rounds of IVF, and a 1-in-500 chromosomal condition that complicated it all, my wife, Emily, got pregnant for a third time.
This was supposed to be our fairytale ending. And for a while, it looked as though it would be, and we convinced ourselves it was.
Then, at Emily’s 20-week anatomy scan, the doctor said, “We have a problem,” and the world came crashing down on top of us.
Being open, being vulnerable—these things don’t come naturally to many men, myself included. And for a long time, I believed that projecting strength was the best way to support my wife.
But all I’ve been doing is making myself weaker.
What’s it going to be like? How am I going to feel? Will I feel anything at all?
These were just a few of the questions running through my head when my wife, Emily, got pregnant in December 2017 — which was going to make me a first-time father in August 2018.
I wish I could say this prospect overwhelmed me with excitement. Mostly, though, it just overwhelmed me.
Liz Shaw of Bumps to Baby so graciously allowed me to take part in her Warrior series, which features stories, insights and advice from those struggling with infertility and pregnancy loss.
This is my contribution.
That’s hard to do, right? At times it even feels impossible.
You put your nose to the proverbial grindstone. Yet when you look up, you’ve got nothing to show for it.
In that moment, you’re convinced you’ve reached this point because nobody believes in you.
But maybe you’re here because you don’t believe in yourself.