The Struggle to Expand Our Family

On July 15, 2016, my wife, Emily, found out she was pregnant for the first time.

For years, I’d heard friends with kids lament their lack of sleep, lack of free time and lack of disposable income. So I knew our lives were about to change forever.

And I was right. Our lives did change forever.

Just not in the way I thought they would.

Since that summer afternoon, Emily and I have experienced the highest of highs, only to have them erased by the lowest of lows:

Three pregnancies. Three lost pregnancies. One continuous heartbreak.

At times throughout this process, I’ve wanted to quit. I’ve wanted to give up trying to conjure the miracle of creating another life. Because that’s what it is — a miracle, a miracle that happens thousands of times a day.

But in those moments, when my spirit is running on fumes and the water’s surging above my head, I’ve been buoyed back to the surface by two of the most important, if not most powerful, human constructs:

Humor and hope.

Emily and I have proved why, “Laughter is the best medicine,” is a tried-and-true cliche, as humor — be it from the brilliance of “30 Rock” reruns or the inappropriate inside jokes we share between us — has repeatedly saved us from getting lost amid the abyss of infertility.

And I’m not sure where we’d be without hope. Hope is courage, perseverance, purpose and love all wrapped into one. It’s what keeps you going. It’s what gives you the strength to try again and again in the face of failure, and it’s what helps you believe that, one day, you’ll hold in your arms what for so long has been out of reach.

I am still hopeful that Emily and I will become parents, that one day, we’ll hold in our arms our own healthy child.

And as we stumble toward that day, I continue reminding myself of the following two quotes:

“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.”
–Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

And…

“I know not all that may be coming, but be what it will, I’ll go at it laughing.”
–Herman Melville, American novelist

Thank you for you joining me on this journey.

–Brent